My Salvation
by LonelyAngel13
Summary: As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The BoyWhoLived struggles to live as he’s found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times: While he’s in labor. Mpreg. No flames.
1. The Dark Abyss

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Author's Notes: **I can't say this has been easy, but I did give it a lot of try because I wanted to have a go at an mpreg with a stable plot. I understand this isn't what most people like but I would enjoy having reviews. ;)

**Warnings: **This has **mpreg**. As in **male pregnancy**. If that irks you, go away _now_. This will contain scenes of giving birth and plenty of violence. You have been warned. No flames.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

-

_"The distance is nothing; it's only the first step that is difficult."_

_- __Marquise du Deffand_

_-_

Part One

The Dark Abyss

The full moon was well up in the sky when I started to feel it.

At first I passed it as an upset stomach, but I was soon forced to admit to myself that I was having contractions. This brought nothing less of pure, cold fear crashing through me. The pain steadily increased to an extent that I was staring up the ceiling drenched in my own sweat.

Still, I twisted and turned in the mahogany bed, trying to ignore the growing ache to no avail as I watched the darkness of the room begin to envelop me like a blanket of pain.

I felt a sudden peculiar feeling of foreboding beginning to form in my veins, increasing my pain and fear beyond my capabilities.

Finally, frustrated and clammy, I slowly climbed out of the bed, making sure to slip on comfy slippers, and headed for the small sitting room, my wand never leaving my grasp. I was evidently aware that I would not put up much of a fight in my current state, but my faithful companion had never failed to give me the courage I needed to go on.

I carefully maneuvered myself through the small shack I now called home and sat on the only armchair in the living room, making sure to wipe away the beads of sweat that had formed under my bangs with a trembling hand. I gazed into the fireplace's embers, pondering why I had such an ominous feeling that could not be shaken off.

Why did I have the strong urge to run as fast as I could from here?

The being inside me suddenly began to shift and kick my ribcage, making me flinch from the pain. I rubbed my swollen belly and tried to somehow calm the child within, but it was in vain. He had never been much of kicker before, but now it seemed that he was trying his hardest to crack my ribs.

Suddenly, to my horror, my scar stung.

I felt as my head had been slammed against something hard. The well-known throbbing of my forehead frightened me more than anything else. Voldemort was happy. No, he was not happy, he was _ecstatic_. I rubbed my swollen stomach and began to sing a soft melody I had once heard, although I was not sure from where, and wished for the last time that this child was not residing inside of me.

That was when an exceptionally uncomfortable feeling in between my legs took over my body.

If it were not for the fact that I had already read what would happen, I probably would have screamed at the occurrence. Even so, I nearly collapsed from shock. A tunnel-like opening was beginning to form to make way for the birth in between my legs. I had read that the male body, which was already different on the inside during the pregnancy, would change from the outside at the beginning of labor.

I began to hyperventilate as soon as it hit me that I was in labor.

I pushed myself up and struggled to get to my room without tripping over my slippers. I hadn't expected this for another week or two and quite frankly, I was in no way prepared to go into labor. I looked around the small room, as if hoping it would tell me what to do. Realizing it was too late for me to find a Healer or a Mediwitch and that it was almost impossible for me to make any sort of hard magic at this moment, I knew what I needed to do.

With a trembling hand, I reached for the phone, stumbling to punch in the numbers I had once memorized so long ago when I stood next to strong members of the Order. Hermione had come up with a way for Order members to communicate through a Muggle phone line if necessary. After all, Voldemort would never pay importance to Muggle devices.

After a moment of silence I heard the line crackle. "Yes?" said a expressionless tone on the other side.

"We shall not fall," I said quietly, remembering the code I had once placed as password for the connection.

Immediately, the phone began to signal the call was going through.

I gasped as the pain increased so very _much_...

By a third ring, a young tired female voice answered. " 'Ello?"

"Tonks, is that you? It's me." I paused, flinching from the pain.

There was a moment of silence in which I'm sure I heard someone gasp. "Harry!? Is that really you? Everyone thinks you're dead!"

"Tonks, I'm sorry but you're the only one with a Muggle phone right now and - I know Remus is transforming but -" I stopped, holding on to anything to keep myself from collapsing.

"Harry please speak to me!... " There was a pause and I heard another voice in the background, "Yes, It's Harry..."

I groaned, the pain beginning to be almost unbearable.

"Are you hurt?!" Tonks said, speaking to me once again.

"No Tonks I - I need help, right now. I need help. I'm so sorry I haven't been there I - Oh no..." I felt pressure and I looked down to see that my water had broken.

I tried again, "Tonks, I am in a town called -"

My voice was suddenly cut off by a huge explosion that erupted behind me. I dropped the phone and threw myself behind the bed, the grip on my wand now harder than ever. I frantically wondered why the wards had not sounded. Smoke and dust engulfed the whole room, making it nearly impossible to see anything, but not unfeasible to hear. Death Eaters' boots echoed in the hall's floorboards, along with their harsh laughter.

Voldemort was going to kill me.

Out of instinct, I broke out of my frozen fear and crawled towards the phone, ignoring the throbbing that had overwhelmingly increased throughout my body. I grabbed the phone and held the receiver to my ear, my heart pounding painfully against my chest.

"Harry, are you there!? What's going on!? Harry, answer me!" shrieked the voice.

"Tonks, It's _him_! They're here with him! They're going to kill me and my b-"

Those were the only words I managed to utter before a hex was fired right at the phone and I threw myself out of the way, watching as the phone was engulfed in flames. I heard a loud chuckle from the door entrance and I turned to see a masked Death Eater pointing his wand straight at my heart. I narrowly missed the red jet of light as I jumped behind the bed once again.

"Come on out Potter. I promise I won't kill you. Come out and play." the Death Eater taunted, making a step towards me.

I could feel the child inside squirming as the Death Eater's words were processed. Without hesitation I stood from behind the bed and shot a quick stunning spell, which as luck would have it, hit the inept Death Eater right in the face. Taking my only opportunity to escape, I jumped over the Death Eater, whom now lay sprawled across the floor, and headed for the back door, wand gripped in my sweaty palm.

Somehow, panting and sweating, I managed to leave the house without alerting any other Death Eaters, and was a good distance away when I heard a loud roar. My scar burst open in pain, nearly blinding me.

They were now aware that I had escaped and were in fast pursuit of their prey.

I kept running with all I had, faintly aware of the small trickle of blood falling down my thigh and the right-foot slipper that had fallen off in my haste. My heart leapt when I reached the entrance of the woods that stood on the outskirts of the small village I had hidden in. I obviously knew that although the forest would give me protection, it could also kill me; there were far more than just squirrels in this forest. Yet, it was my only option unless I wanted to get tortured without end before being slaughtered mercilessly by the Devil himself. Not to mention what he would do to my son.

I shuddered and without a second thought, I ran into the dark abyss and never looked back.

--

--

-

**A/N:** No flames please. It's hard enough as it is to do an mpreg. I hope someone likes this.


	2. Screams Obscured by Thunder

**Summary: **As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Author's Notes:** Gosh, I really hope I don't end this fic badly like some I have read.

**Warnings: **Okay people, birth scene coming up. This is an **mpreg**.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

-

_"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."_

_- Taylor Benson_

-

Part Two

Screams Obscured by Thunder

After struggling through thick branches and roots with my only thoughts as company, the pain had astonishingly increased. My body went numb and my vision blurred, yet my pace did not slow. My now slipper-less feet felt as though as they were on fire and were probably full of blisters, but I could not stop; not when I was sure that Death Eaters were right at my heels.

Too preoccupied in listening for footsteps or any sound of life, I tripped over a thick root and fell hard into the gravel, right on my hard stomach. I cried out in pain and clutched my abdomen, trying in vain to stop silent tears. Mustering every fiber in my body, I crawled to my feet using a tree trunk to steady my trembling body.

I attempted to walk, but only managed to collapse once again. As I lay on the muddy ground, I looked up and saw a small opening through the thick branches of the forest. The full moon still shone brightly in the night sky, unaware of the pain it caused on Earth. I slowly sat up and leaned up against an oak's trunk, closing my eyes in content, a soft breeze sweeping by and caressing my cheeks. This was as far I could go. I was as good as dead.

For some odd reason, accepting death gave a strange tranquility to my body. The end had finally come to the Great Harry Potter, savior of the world. Was I even Harry Potter anymore? Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived was not a pregnant person. No, he was perfect, he was great, he was incredibly strong.

I wished that I could Apparate, that I could just disappear, but I knew I could not Apparate, not with being pregnant and in labor. Would Voldemort wonder why I had not Apparated? Did they know why I'd been hiding for over two months? Had they figured it all out?

Abruptly, I felt something inside me move faintly. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see a puddle of blood on the ground directly below me. I could not lose hope, not when my child was so close to living. Maybe, somehow, someway, I could still save him. This was not just anything as I had considered it for months. This was a part of me, he was a part of me, and I had to save him. It was my duty.

Shaking, I got to my knees and began to crawl, praying to somehow live to see morning. For the first time in my life, my prayers were answered. I looked up only to see the foot of a mountain, which was covered in boulders and rocks and looked a lot like the mountain I'd climbed to get to Sirius's hideout years ago. I shook away painful memories and tried to concentrate on the problem at hand. Why did I have this feeling that drew me towards the mountain, as if telling me that that's where safety was? Surely there was no way I could possibly climb the mountain in my condition?

That was when my heightened sense of hearing heard a soft, distant rustling sound. _Footsteps_. The Death Eaters had finally caught up with their prey. They knew I hadn't Apparated and they knew why.

I felt tears roll threaten to escape as I struggled, once again, to stand up. Gradually, I made my way towards the foot of the mountain and began to climb a steep, winding, and stony path that never seemed to end. I collapsed various times, getting up quickly and continuing to walk each time.

Soon, I had broken into a cold sweat and it seemed as if the world around me was spinning in never-ending circles. I wanted to scream into the heavens, but I satisfied myself by biting down hard on my bottom lip until I tasted blood. The never-ending twinge in my forehead was now bursting with pain more than ever. Clutching my scar, I forced myself to ignore the pain and concentrate at the matter at hand, because oddly, it felt as though I was being _led_ through the mountain, as if a source of magic was holding my hand and pulling me towards safety.

Abruptly, I came upon a narrow fissure in a rock that could, if not looked upon closely, go unnoticed. I staggered towards the rock, squeezed into it, flinching from the pain as I did, and found myself in a cool, dark cave. I staggered to he back of the cave where I finally collapsed, exhausted.

My breath quickened and I found myself fumbling over buttons and knots as I tried to disrobe. I leaned against the cool rock and rested with my legs spread and knees bent. I panted and whimpered, not sure what to do and how to endure the contractions. I felt the need to push and so I did, attempting to remember what I had read about labor and attempting to forget where I was.

I needed to relax, to forget, and yet I could only remember. I could only remember the choices I'd made, the things I'd seen, the people I swore to protect and then abandoned...

I closed my eyes tightly.

Forget, I needed to forget...

_A body against my own... Pain, darkness... Everything was so blurry... Dark onyx eyes staring into my own..._

I screamed, unable to contain the horror within myself any longer.

I was brought back to the present with a distant animal-like howl and I instinctively tightened the grip on my wand, which had not suffered more than a few scratches from my countless falls.

I leaned against the cave wall and dug my broken nails into the earth, trying to stop myself from screaming again. I let out a whimper of pain instead and felt my mind drift into the past once more. Would things be any different if Sirius or my parents were alive?

I took a deep breath and pushed as hard as I could, sobbing when there was no result.

"I can't do this... can't!" I whispered to the emptiness of the cave, which seemed to stare back silently at me, without a single sign of pity or remorse.

I was losing too much blood and I knew that if I didn't give birth now, I would die. I could hear the rain splashing hard against the ancient rock and the loud thunder echoing through the forest. I closed my eyes, feeling my whole body going numb.

I pushed one more time, my screams obscured by thunder.

-

--

-


	3. Prey

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Author's Notes:** I have done editing to Chapter One and Two. My stories are unbetta'd so I'd appreciate it if you point out something that doesn't make sense. Questions about the plot will become clear later on though... promise.

**Warnings:** I don't think I need to repeat, but... This _is_ an **mpreg**.

**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

_**Sorry! For those of you who noticed, I submitted chapter two twice... oops... **_

**- **

_"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star."_

_-__Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche_

_-_

**Part Three**

**Prey**

_There was so much blood._

If you asked me that was all I could ever tell you. Everything was happening so fast and my mind was too far gone.

Gasping and panting, I held onto the cave's walls for support. My tired body aching, I gave one final push, letting out a heart-piercing scream. My head fell back from the strain and I closed my eyes tightly, a single tear streaming down my mud-stained cheek.

I finally did it.

My eyes flew open when I realized that no cries echoed in the cave. Ignoring it all, I sat up and quickly picked up the small being. With a wave of my wand the cord was cut, but no sound still came from him. Panicking, I stared into his little pink, scrunched up face. I cast a soft cleaning spell down his esophagus, numerous tears sliding down my face as I held on to my only reason for living.

I never thought hearing a soft cry echo through cave walls would cause so much happiness in my heart.

I shrugged off my cloak and wrapped him carefully in it, noting that he was, as I had perceived, a boy. Cradling him and humming softly, I pressed him against my heart in an effort to calm him. His cries slowly diminished until they were no more. I looked down into his young serene features, taking as much of him as I could. I stroked his soft cheek and kissed him lightly on the forehead, meanwhile examining his small fingers that were currently curled up into a fist.

He was my little miracle.

A loud crack through the night abruptly brought me back to Earth and my current state. I passed through my options and only came with one: I had to leave the shelter of the cave and search for a nearby village. If I stayed, I ran the risk of being found, and even if I wasn't, I was bleeding too profusely. I couldn't possible live until sunrise. If I did die, my son could not be safe in this cave. I was obliged to give him the life he deserved, even if it was not I who gave it to him.

I shook my mind from those thoughts, determined to not face them until the time came. Taking a deep breath, I held onto my child as I left the cave and the shelter it had given me. I made my way down the rocky cave, hoping that this was not a decision I would live to regret.

--

-

I pressed the small crying bundle against my chest. I tried to protect him from the harsh rainfall and cold winds, but his cries still echoed hard through the night as I stumbled through thick branches. My vision gave no help to me as it was, blurred and splashed with tears. My calloused feet, bleeding abdomen, and bruised, beaten, and aching body that was long overdue in death, no longer pulsed unbearable pain through me; the pain had simply left me.

I was not sure if that was a good thing.

My health was not first in mind, though. All that screamed through my senses was that I had to keep going. I had to find safe place for the little being that trembled against my body. There was no way Voldemort would have him. He was mine and mine alone.

The heavy rain had glued my hair to my face but I made no effort to push my bangs away. It was as if my mind had left my body and I was no longer conscious of anything. Perhaps that was why precisely at that moment my foot slipped on thick mud and I flew backwards, landing harshly on my back and bashing my head against a large tree root, all in what seemed an eternity.

Soft cries echoed louder.

I clutched the bundle, grateful to have fallen on my back instead of face-first. Still, I felt my heart skip a beat.

I could feel Death's whispers.

Moaning and panting, I willed myself to get up, suppressing the pain that shot through my abdomen as I did so. Somehow, my broken and uneven nails managed to dig into a thick tree's trunk and give me the support I needed to stand on my own two feet.

I managed two steps before I nearly collapsed.

It might have been a delirium from the loss of blood, but it was as if many hands held on to me and pushed me softly eastwards. Numbly, I complied and went; my fear and sense of being terribly alone rapidly leaving me.

Even the tiny bundle ceased to cry.

--

-

How much time passed before I came upon the small village, I could not say. I was not even sure of where I was, for that matter. The aching pain on my forehead was strong enough to make a huge ball of mess out of my mind. The only thing I was sure of was that I had finally found salvation. I willed my legs to go to the small shack that was nearest, but they collapsed under me at just a few feet away and I knew that this was truly, as far as I could go.

I could feel my very soul slipping away.

I held onto the bundle as I sat, staring up into the star-filled sky. Death was next to me, cheering me to give in. Meekly, I wondered if I should oblige. Slowly I laid back, letting out a soft moan from the pain. His cries had begun once more, soft now, almost muffled. My breath hitching, darkness began to cover my sight when I felt hands against mine, prying them away from my bundle.

I panicked, whimpering as my child was ripped away from my grasp.

My breathing was barely audible as I waved my hands in a pitiful gesture.

"..No..." I gasped, struggling to stand.

All I managed to see were dark, sorrowful eyes etched with pity and surrounded by wrinkles holding a small bundle that now cried harder than the dark sky, before the figure disappeared just as it had come. Sobbing and convincing myself this was a delusion, I searched my surroundings, pleading to the skies that my child was still here. Screaming, I flipped onto my stomach and crawled towards where the figure had been, hanging on to the false hope of finding my child.

As I dug my hands through the mud, desperately trying to pull my body ahead, I felt a red stream of light pass by my ear, missing me by only a fraction of an inch. Wearily, I glanced behind my shoulder and met the gaze of at least five Death Eaters. A new form of panic settled in my stomach as I realized the chase had ended.

They had found their prey.

I closed my eyes shut as I realized that I had dropped my wand, my faithful companion, on the cave's floor, seconds after I had cleaned the esophagus of my child. The first time I held onto my child was enough to drive my wand's importance out of my mind.

I clenched my fists as the Death Eaters neared and I lay utterly defenseless.

"_Crucio!_"

--

-

**A/N:** Sorry about all the cliffies, I like the suspense. #smirk# thanks to all my reviewers and please give me feedback on this chapter. At the beginning of this fic, I had a ship already in mind but... I would like to see what you all think. So please tell me the ship you think fits this story best. Thanks for reading, love yas.

**Keira:** Thanks for the review. : )

**moony103:** Hope you liked this chapter.

**seers-of-a-lost-paradise:** Wow... Thanks... #blush# I hope this is going okay... AU or GoF? I prefer going with canon, but... we'll see. Tell me what you think. All questions should be answered in the next couple of chapters, promise. And thanks for the edit. I've gone back and changed a few things on Ch. 1 & 2. Thank you for reviewing.

**skittlelove: **Omg, you read about Sev? Yay! #hugs# How observant! - I finally updated! Like or no like? Thanks for your review and by the way... love your name.

**Kori Black:** Ah, the suspense... sorry... Thanks for reading and please review again!

**The King 43 Richard Petty:** Thank you. : )

**notorious-lisa:** Enrapturing? #blush# Ah... thank you! Thanks also for the tip and another cliffy... you must hate me : )


	4. My Descent Into Darkness

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Author's Notes:** Thanks to all of you that responded to my plea for help on ship #grin#... ship has been decided. What it is, I can't tell you. ;)

**Warnings: **Mpreg, future slash, lots of angst... need I go on?

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

_-_

"_Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell."_

_-Emily Elizabeth Dickinson_

-

_**I clenched my fists as the Death Eaters neared and I lay utterly defenseless.**_

_**"Crucio!"**_

-

**Part Four**

**My Descent Into Darkness**

-

Time stopped.

I watched as the familiar jet light of the Cruciatus Curse raced towards me. I was too weak to fully process fear into my brain. It all happened in just seconds, I was sure of that, but to me it was an eternity.

Out of nowhere, a burst of white light enveloped my body and the Curse was reflected.

All I managed to see before my head collapsed onto the ground, exhausted, was a blur of red standing protectively in front of me.

The Order had come to my salvation.

--

-

I felt something warm grab me by the shoulders.

"Harry!"

My eyes slowly looked up at the enormous blur of brown that hovered above me.

I tried to frown, but the muscles on my face did not seem to want to cooperate with me. My eyes closed once more and my mind fought for consciousness. I wondered if it was possible what was happening. Was it my name that had just been pronounced in a tone of nor anger nor disgust? Was I really to be saved?

Numbly, I felt hands reach frantically for me, in hopes to pull me up, but I could not be sure of this for I had lost all awareness of my surroundings. I could barely even register the shouts and flashes that now illuminated the night. I thought I heard urgent whispers surrounding me, but I was too far gone.

With a sudden familiar pull and jerk in my navel, I felt what had to be a Portkey lift me away into nothingness. I landed roughly against someone and I could only let out a grunt of pain. I managed to catch a glimpse of a familiar gloomy ceiling before darkness promptly took over.

Death no longer smiled down on me.

--

-

It was a soft ticking that gradually brought me back to Earth.

From behind closed lids, I could only assume it was a clock of some sort. I concentrated on the soft noise for a few minutes, my brows furrowing as consciousness slowly returned to me. Pushing the great fog out of my mind, I concentrated solely on opening my eyes. They reluctantly obliged, blinking a few times before they allowed the room's brightness to fully break through. A soft moan escaped my lips as I fought to pull off the heavy sheets that covered me.

I numbly wondered where I was. The crisp sheets and the soft nightgown reminded me of a hospital, but that brought even more questions into my mind. I concentrated on the blurry shapes of the gloomy room, my eyes searching for something that could trigger any recognition. The previous night's events drifted through me, sending a sense of dread through my heart.

After a few moments, panic ensued.

Almost hyperventilating, I made an attempt to get up from the comfort of the bed. Carefully, I reached with aching fingers for any support to aid me as I made the attempt to sit up. My effort proved to be futile as I was soon thrown back by the sudden overwhelming pain that swept through my whole being. I gasped and clenched the soft pillow under me, waiting for the agony to pass. My fingers slowly traveled to my abdomen.

Panting and gasping I clutched my no longer round abdomen, the realization of its emptiness far more agonizing than the fact that my body felt utterly torn and destroyed. I took a deep breath and with one swift move, propped my body upright into a sitting position. A soft whimper of anguish escaped my lips before I could clamp down on my bottom lip and drown out the sound properly. I took a few moments to let the pain pass before swinging my feet to the bed's side and sliding out.

I did not expect the jolting pain that went through my inner thighs and the sudden giving out of my knees. I slammed harshly into the tile floor, never having enough time to even scream. I clenched my fists, letting a few tears fall from my cheeks. So much pain pulsed through me. More pain than I could ever remember having. Many muscles in my body cried for mercy.

Minutes ticked by and after my gasps had disintegrated I began the painful journey of getting up on my feet. Taking a deep breath, I made another attempt, but my legs were not cooperating and did not budge. I was positive that they would not function, no matter how much more I pushed. Sighing, I leaned against the bedpost and stared at the peeling grayish paint on the wall.

The room's familiarity suddenly came to me with a bang. I was in one of the rooms of none other than Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. My stomach lurched at the thought of being here. I had been here after Sirius's death, it had been necessary to look for the Horcruxes, but never had I been left alone. Now, as I sat with the memories of my past lurking in the shadows, I felt as if the very room was closing in on me, smothering me, suffocating...

"Oh dear Merlin, Mr. Potter!"

My line of thought was shattered as I turned to see Madam Pomfrey gawking at me from the doorway. Immediately she cast a spell, levitating me to the top of the bed and pushing me safely under the covers. I relaxed into the comfort of the pillow, my muscles floating with relief. Madam Pomfrey rushed to the wall opposite of the bed and I could hear her mumbling to herself hysterically as she bustled through a cabinet, sorting through small vials and jars. She apparently found what she had been searching for and she gave a chirp of triumph before rushing to my bedside.

"Drink this. It's for the pain," said Madam Pomfrey as she handed me a long, thin bottle of purplish liquid.

My stomach reeled but I gradually forced the bitter potion down my throat, hoping it would stay there. I handed back the empty bottle, suddenly feeling as the warm potion sent soft waves of numbness through my veins. I felt eyes on me and looked up to see Pomfrey studying my face intently. She shifted to my right side and pulled out her wand, muttering various charms over my body. She frowned slightly and looked up to study my face once more.

"Mr. Potter, do you still feel any pain whatsoever?"

I slowly shook my head.

"Clench your fist for me, please... Yes, now the other one..."

And the tests continued, checking virtually every limb and flexible part in my body. My mind flew away, the feeling of foreboding smashing through me once more. I had to know where my child was. I had to know what happened. He had to be okay.

"Right," she said, moving on to examine my eyesight.

"Madam Pomfrey," I began my voice hoarse and worn, "Where is he?"

She paused briefly, visibly tensing. "Why don't we discuss this at a later time, when you are better rested and your friends are here... they all stepped out for a moment... we weren't expecting you to wake up until much later..."

I pulled myself from her grasp and frowned. "Where is he!?"

She gave a small huff. "Mr. Potter, I have not finished examining you," half-way through her sentence her expression softened, "And I do not think I am the right person you should be discussing this with."

I was using all my will power to stop myself from screaming and kicking. "Madam Pomfrey, please..." I croaked, my fists clenching painfully around the covers.

She sighed, avoiding my gaze. Nothing was said for what seemed like an eternity. "Mr. Potter I – I wish you had told me, I –" she sighed, her gaze returning to me, "As soon as I checked you over and realized... I used your magical signature to track the child's..."

My heart pumped painfully against my chest.

"And when I looked... I found nothing."

I frowned, trying to understand her words. "What do you mean you found nothing?"

Her eyes were glazed in sorrow. "When I searched for his magical aura, I came out with nothing... The only way that is possible is – is if the child was no longer..."

Her sentence was drowned out by a sudden explosion of static in my mind. Tears streamed down my cheeks as the world crumbled into pieces at my feet.

"No – No, you're wrong – You're wrong! You're wrong! He's not dead, he's not DEAD! He's not, he's not! NO!" I heard myself shout but I could not be sure. Everything blurred around me from the tears that streamed down non-stop. I swung my legs over the bed, ignoring it all in an effort to get to the door.

I felt myself being pushed down and I fought to tear myself from the grip. Screams that sounded like the cries of a wounded animal echoed through the room, apparently coming from the mouth that was my own. I felt a stronger pair of hands envelop me in a tight grip that I could not tear myself from. I wondered if this was Professor Lupin.

A cold liquid was pushed down my throat and struggled as I was pushed onto the bed. My world dissolved into a big black swirl of nothing. The soft ticking came back to me as my eyes drooped. I listened to it, the soothing noise cradling me as I descended into darkness.

_Tick, tick, tick..._

--

-

**A/N:** Please continue reading... this fic is full of surprises.

**I would like to take this moment to thank the following:**

**skittlelove:** It's so emotional, I know. And I'm sorry for all the cliffies. : )

**notorious-lisa: **Thank you for your advice and help. It is being taken to heart. : )

**uzumaki misaki: **Ha, thanks for telling me. Fixed it straight away.

**yaoi-fied: **Ah, thank you for your review and I'm sorry it doesn't show up. : ( Thanks for the advice though... will I use it? Read on and see... #wink, wink#

**BrandyBuccaneer:** Ha, ha, sorry: D I know this chapter is a bit off, but keep reading!


	5. Untimely Visitor

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Warnings: **Mpreg, future slash, lots of angst... need I go on?

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

**All chapters slightly edited. :)**

-

"_When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth_

_You are weeping for that which has been your delight."_

_-__Kahlil Gibran_

-

**Part Five**

**Untimely Visitor**

-

"_Oh how the skies weep."_

A short and stocky woman, approximately in her early forties, snorted, looking up from her previous chore of peeling a batch of potatoes to roll her eyes at the figure near the window whose words had just been spoken. "'Course the bloody skies weep. Ya took his kid, even though I told ya not ta. 'No good'll come of this' I says, but do ya listen? 'Course not."

The figure near the window sighed and stepped away from the shadows, revealing an aged and wrinkled old woman with long white hair.

"I had no choice. It had to be done and you know it."

"Yeah well, now _you_ gotta go and shut the kid up. Hasn't stopped crying since he got 'ere. Driving me mad, he is," she snapped, jerking her head to the back room, where a small wail could be heard.

The old woman sighed once again and shook her head. "I cannot stop his cries. They are not from hunger and they are not from thirst. There is no amount of comfort I can possibly give that will compare to that which of a parent."

The stocky woman's eyes narrowed.

"That ain't my bloody fault! So go and try to shut that kid before I do it for you!"

The old woman smiled. "Showing kindness is not a sign of weakness, Ursula. Perhaps this is the child that will teach you as much."

The woman named Ursula snarled as the old woman swept out of the room and closed the door with a soft click. Soft comforting noises could be heard in the other room, along with the increasing noise of the wails. Ursula began to mutter incoherent curses for a few minutes before giving up for the moment and thrusting the potato dish on a worn wooden table. She wiped her hands on her dirty apron and stood, going over to stand on the spot near the window.

Thunder echoed and lightning flashed without mercy.

"No good'll come of this."

--

-

_**Miles away in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.**_

--

-

Small droplets of water splashed against the window. I watched, not really seeing, as they slowly slid down the glass and came at a halt at the edge of the window. My fingers traced the little droplets until there were so many, I could no longer continue. It hadn't really stopped raining all week and it showed no signs of ending anytime soon. I thought it was very strange how the skies showed exactly what I hid. I envied the skies for being able to weep whenever they wished to.

"Harry?"

I didn't need to turn around to know it was Hermione.

"We're off to another search. I just thought you'd want to know..."

I nodded, still not turning around.

"Harry... Are you going to be okay?"

I smiled bitterly at the window. I would never again be 'okay'.

"You'll be the first to know if we... find anything."

I nodded at the window.

I heard a shuffling noise before the door clicked shut.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Would this nightmare ever end?

"Mr. Potter."

It was Madam Pomfrey this time.

There was a sigh. "You are still out of bed no matter how many times I tell you not to."

I said nothing.

Another sigh, "Very well, have it your way, but you will take these potions and allow me to check you over."

I nodded.

She walked to me and placed the various potions in the table next to the chair I sat on. I took potion after potion in one gulp, grimacing at the aftertaste while Madam Pomfrey muttered spells over my body. It was like that for a few moments until all the potions had been stuffed down my throat.

"Anti-Depressant?" I questioned, waving at the last potion.

Looking a bit guilty, Madam Pomfrey nodded at my inquiry.

Nothing was said for another long moment until Madam Pomfrey finished casting the spells. A frown overtook her worn features. "Mr. Potter... I don't think you will ever fully recuperate from this... Your body has just gone through so much damage..."

I had already concluded something like that.

"I don't want anyone to know this," I began quietly; "This must stay between you and me Madam Pomfrey. To everyone else, I will soon be just as I was before."

Madam Pomfrey frowned.

"The last thing I need is people panicking. It is bad enough they know what happened," I finished, my tone firm.

"Only Mr. Lupin, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Granger, and I know about –"

"Yes, not to mention the whole community of Death Eaters!" I snarled, cutting her off, "You and I know very well that chances are Voldemort killed him! Don't you realize that Voldemort knows everything that has happened!?"

"_Not necessarily_."

My head swirled around towards the cold, toneless voice that had just interrupted the conversation between me and Madam Pomfrey. A pair of black, wet boots made of a strange thick material stepped into the room with a soft thud. My eyes widened as they fixed on a tall, black-cloaked figure who was masked by the shadows of a cloak's hood. He stood ominously by the doorway, looking at us with could be made out through the shadows as a smirk.

It was a few more seconds before the figure moved again, the thumping of his steps and the swishing of his rain-covered cloak was all that was heard for a long moment until he was standing in the middle of the dim-lighted room. It was then that something in Madam Pomfrey snapped.

"Don't you move." she said to him, her wand firmly in her grasp.

The smirk went back to its place.

"Who are you and what do you want?" she demanded.

Long pale fingers slowly reached upwards. Madam Pomfrey's wand hand twitched. The fingers wrapped themselves firmly on the sides of the material before pulling back the hood. Blond hair emerged, followed by and icy blue stare that was directed at me from where I sat.

Cold lips formed a mocking smile.

"My name is Draco Malfoy and I am here to speak with HarryBloodyPotter."

--

-

**A/N: **Tell me what you think. If you do, I'll update a lot sooner...

**DeityOfDeath: **Thanks for your review. :)

**notorious-lisa: **I think you must have loved this chapter since it answers your question. ;) And thank you very much; my writing is always being put down. Lol. Yes... I seem to have grown to love my cliffies... sorry. :)

**Kateri1: **Thank you.

**seers-of-a-lost-paradise: **So there is _some_ good news to my lack of updates. Lol. I'm so glad you like this... I hope you don't lose interest... And the writer's block always seems to return. I actually re and re and re... wrote this chapter god-knows-how many times... #sigh# ... but thank you so much for your review. : D (And thanks for catching that. It is supposed to be Descent.)

**shadowama: **Hahaha, so what'd you think of this week's 'My Salvation' I think some of your questions were answered, no? Thanks for your review.

**Dru Black: **Thanks for your review! Likey?

**yaoi-fied: **#sigh# I know, they're coming out so short and slow... I'm sorry. Writer's block is a pain. Thank you for your review.

**Shania Maxwell:** Thanks for your review, what do you think?


	6. A Different Perspective

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Warnings:** Mpreg, future slash, lots of angst... need I go on?

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

**(!) Look here!! Look!! Got you attention? Good. I have a little tip for everyone so you don't get confused. Okay, the following is not Harry! I know I know... we all wanted to see where the conversation left off but... **

-

"_He who fights with monsters might take care, lest he thereby become a monster._

_And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."_

_-Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 146_

-

**Part Six**

**A Different Perspective**

It happened again today.

I awoke, shaking and drenched in sweat. I would have screamed had I not been accustomed to the nightmares that plagued my very existence. Nevertheless, I had sat upright in the dark and bitter room, eyes wide and fists clenched, completely immersed in my thoughts.

I dreamt of him.

It was not the first time and it would not bloody well be the last. It was always the same nightmare, repeating itself over and over again, slowly shredding away whatever was left of my soul. It was one thing to commit a horrendous act that can be forgotten about the next sunrise, but it was completely another thing to have it constantly appearing every moment you allow your guard to be down. It was another thing to have to fight against your very self in an ongoing battle: one side who wishes to torment you for what you did until the last of your days, and the other side who reassures you that you did what had to be done.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, staring at the utter blankness of the wall. I raised my hands up into the moonlight, turning them palm-side up. Instead of fingers with absolutely nothing on them of any sort, I saw long pale fingers covered in blood and filth. I saw hands that had produced many horrors.

Perhaps I deserved to be tormented so often, even the Drought if Living Death could not alleviate me. Perhaps this agony that burned within me was only a fraction of what my victims had undergone under my afflictions.

The thing that most troubled me however, was that although I had done countless of sickening and disturbing things over the years, never once had my conscience followed me like an eternal shadow; never once had I had nightmares of them, my crimes.

Until now.

In the past, I had simply plead silently for forgiveness, convinced myself it had to be done, assured myself damnation awaited me in Hell, and moved on to the next objective in life. Never had it contaminated me like a virus, slowly seeping through me and creating destruction wherever it went.

At least, not for over twenty years it hadn't.

I pushed myself to my feet and went over to the window, peering out the silent night. I only received four hours of sleep a night and I never really took them all. I was a light sleeper, prepared for anything that could arise unexpectedly.

We were at war, after all.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair while releasing a heavy sigh. I had not planned it and I had not expected it. It was the one thing I had not thought of; a flaw in my 'perfect' plan. Of course, who could ever have expected something like that? Who could have expected such a scene to come into play?

It seemed that whatever I did and tried, I always seemed to fail. The only way redemption could be finally caught was by death. Only then could all the terrible I have pushed upon the world be undone.

I closed my eyes.

_What would Lily have said had she been here?_

I visibly flinched and clenched my fists. No, I would not think such thoughts. There was no need to awaken the dead.

I flinched once more, the pain of loss growing deep within me. Her death, the death of beautiful Lily, _my Lily_, was resting directly on my shoulders. I was the one to blame for her death. My stupidity had killed the one person left that had actually cared for me. The only one I have _ever_...

And I had swore. Upon her grave I had swore through gasps and tears that I would protect her son. That I would make sure no harm came to him. That all my sacrifices would be for him; in him I would serve my penance.

And I had utterly failed.

In the end, it was _I _that gave him harm.

_He had screamed._

He may have cried had he not forced himself not to, but he had definitely screamed. He had not begged; he refused his dignity to be brought down as well. He fought back with all he had, although it was not much seeing as he was still very weak from the torture. He even tried not to scream. He tried, very hard I could see, but in the end he could not hold back the shrieks of terror that escaped from his lips.

Never will I forget the look of pure horror that had ascended from those eyes; it was the look that had taken away the peace of my nights.

I shook my head, as if trying to shake out the memory before turning away from the window and heading to the armoire that contained my clothes.

He'd been missing for over two months now.

I was sure the Order had tried to hush it up and had it not been for that wretched spy in their inner circle, the Dark Lord would have never known and so wouldn't I. As it was however, he did know and so did I. I was plainly aware that he was missing and I searched for him mercilessly, under supposed loyalty to the Dark Lord of course.

I could not understand it though. He was not one to run and hide. For all I ranted about his loss of brains and thick-headedness, he was definitely not one to leave his friends behind. Surely, _surely _he was not...?

I growled, slamming my fist against the hard wood of the armoire.

I told myself the only reason I searched so much for him so much was because he was the key to ending this war. I told myself he was just another pawn in this war and what had been done to him, had had to be done. It was then that I remembered the last time I had told myself such things.

Another growl and another slam.

It was preposterous. I felt remorse, pity, and perhaps a bit of understanding towards him, but nothing more. It was only to be expected that I would feel _something_ towards him that was not animosity after... after the incident, but it could never be anything more.

A soft little voice in the back of my mind whispered to me that the last time I had tried so hard to convince myself of something had been when I had been in love with Lily Evans.

I promptly shut up the voice and picked up my cloak.

It was laughable, really. I was simply taking pity and regret and mistaking it for something else. I would find him, give him the tools he needed, and die ending this war. It was my purpose and I wanted nothing more and nothing less of it.

There was a loud knock on the door, pulling me out of my train of thought. I pulled out my wand and waved it to the door, unlocking it. It swung open, revealing who I thought was Avery but could not be sure for he wore his mask. He laughed insanely.

"We found him Snape! Master should be arriving there right about now. I knew we'd find the little bastard..." he whispered excitedly.

Damn it. Draco was still in Wales on a mission...

I pushed past Avery, wand held in a tight grip.

I just hoped I got there in time.

--

-

We were all promptly punished for letting him get away.

I silently rejoiced through the pain. The Dark Lord questioned us all for a long time. He was not as foolish as to not wonder how it was possible that one man could be able to get through a Dark forest with twenty Death Eaters at his feet, unharmed. He now suspected there to be a spy. It did not worry me since Draco had been miles away and was not suspected. As for myself, the one truly behind the escape, the Dark Lord would never believe me, his most loyal Death Eater to have anything to do with it, especially not after I had... proved... myself far beyond any Death Eater.

I pushed away ugly thoughts.

But no, being caught was not what worried me tonight as I gathered the things I would need for the search tonight.

The Dark Lord had informed his inner circle last night of his growing suspicions the past few months that had been proved by Potter's inability to Apparate. He had uttered words that had left me cold inside. I couldn't understand how it was possible. The mere thought was inconceivable.

Harry Potter, the _Boy_-Who-Lived, had a _child_.

And not just any child either, it was a child produced through male pregnancy, something rarely heard of. I could not wrap my mind around it. Male pregnancies could only be induced through many potions and spells, and even then it was not a recommended thing to do, for it was dangerous. Potter was inept and a complete fool, but why in _hell_ would he want to get _pregnant_!? Why would he even try such a thing!? We were in the middle of war for Merlin's sake.

I paced around the room in circles without realizing it. What the bloody hell was going on!? The Dark Lord had sent out a search for the child while the spy in the Order's circle tried to find out as much as he could about Potter. I wondered if he was alive. I wondered how bad his injuries had been.

The bloody fool.

I sighed, there was only one thing left to do. If such a child did in fact exist, I would have to be the first to find it. If the Dark Lord got his hands on it he would use it as bait towards Potter and Potter would come running. So I somehow had to find the brat, manage to get it in Draco's possession without giving _him_ any suspicion so _he _in turn could give it to Potter.

I gritted my teeth. Why did he always have to go and complicate things? Stupid Potters and their lack of brains. Nevertheless, I had to get to the bottom of all of this, and soon. I pulled out my wand and pushed the chamber's door open.

This would be no easy task.

--

-

**A/N: **I hope this wasn't _too_ confusing... you did read the top, right?? Tell me what you think...

**yaoi-fied: **I'm almost afraid to ask... do you think I screwed this chapter up? I really got frustrated on my lack of updates and just put it up...

**notorious-lisa: **My favorite reviewer! (Yay) I did get rid of my writer's block but... I'm not sure this chapter is good... Although it _did_ answer some questions... what do you think?

**Shania Maxwell: **Until next chapter, I'm afraid. Thanks for your review.

**Tenshi-Tsubasa201: **Thanks for your review!

**fan101: **... I'm not sure of this chapter... ?

**seers-of-a-lost-paradise:** Oh, he was just being a bit cocky and dramatic. As far as she knows, he's evil and Draco loves the reaction he's making in her. I'll explain it more next chapter. :) Ah thanks, I think I rushed up on writing this chapter thought. (I like defying the writer's block. Lol) And now I'm not so sure about this chapter... I'm considering maybe a re-write or something. Opinion??

**skittlelove:** Hahaha, yes I know. Your comment has now made me _have_ to include baby sooner than I thought... I'll say no more. ;)

**yaeko:** I think one of your questions was answered... Thanks for your review!

**akuma-river:** Good guesser. What do you think of this chapter?


	7. Revelations

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Warnings: **Mpreg, future slash, lots of angst... need I go on?

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

**Don't you love me?? Another chapter in such short time:) Tell me what you think and I might write another one...**

-

_"The terrible thing about the quest for truth is that you find it."_

_-__Racmy de Gourmont_

-

_**Long pale fingers slowly reached upwards. Madam Pomfrey's wand hand twitched. The fingers wrapped themselves firmly on the sides of the material before pulling back the hood. Blond hair emerged, followed by and icy blue stare that was directed at me from where I sat.**_

_**Cold lips formed a mocking smile. **_

"_**My name is Draco Malfoy and I am here to speak with Harry Potter."**_

-

**Part Six**

**Revelations**

-

I sighed.

Must he _always cause a scene?_

"Madam, please," I said, attempting to get up.

"Mr. Potter, sit down! You are not yet well enough to be up," she said, her eyes not leaving the blond. I ignored her protests and stood up, wincing slightly. I walked carefully next to Madam Pomfrey and held out my hand.

"Give me the wand, Madam," I whispered softly. She looked at me like I had grown two heads.

"Please Madam Pomfrey," I pressed, "Trust me." A long tense moment passed before Madam Pomfrey slowly lowered her wand and placed it in my outstretched hand. I smiled as I pocketed the wand. My smile didn't last very long for my eyes soon turned on the visitor.

The icy blue eyes had been following my every movement. "Bloody hell Potter, you look like shit," he spat.

I grimaced. There was a long silence.

He took one step forward. "Do you have any idea in how much danger I have put myself in to come see you?" he said in a deadly whisper, his demeanor changing rapidly.

I said nothing. He kept walking towards me. I felt Madam Pomfrey tense from behind me.

"Are you hollow inside that big head of yours, Potter? Is there something in there that has been badly wired?" he barked, his narrowed eyes furrowed in fury.

We were nose to nose at this point, Malfoy hovering a bit over me since he had the advantage of an inch or two.

"I thought we had moved past the childish insults, Malfoy." I responded as nonchalantly as I could.

His face was now twisted into an enraged look of pure rage.

"Look Potter," he hissed, "I did _not_ sacrifice my very soul to have your bloody stupidity nearly ruin it all. I really thought you were dead, Potter. If you had died, tell me, what in bloody _fucking_ hell would I have done!? Your bloody use as a Secret Keeper would have died with you! The contract we made would have simply dissolved. Do you realize how you put my mother in danger!?"

I returned the glare. "First of all, Malfoy, as you can see, I am _not _dead, therefore everything is better than okay. I was not captured by Voldemort–" I stopped to narrow my eyes as Malfoy flinched, "– and everything is still in place. I do not break my promises."

Malfoy scoffed, stepping back and moving towards the other side of the room, "As if you could."

I clenched my fists. _As if you_ _could._ That was the correct choice of wording. Massaging my temples, I tried to clear my head of murderous thoughts and concentrated on the matters that needed to be resolved.

"You know Malfoy, if it weren't for the fear of that stupid little contract of ours working and rebounding my attack, I would have surely blown you to dust months ago." I said casually.

"Certainly not before I would have, but as you have it Potter, we must _work together_," Malfoy said, making a soft scoffing noise at his last two words, "Now, are you going to tell me in what the bloody hell has been going the past few months?"

I paused, remembering the conversation that had been interrupted. "Malfoy, you said 'Not necessarily'. Exactly what do you know?"

His back was to me. "First you answer my questions, Potter."

I growled. "Damn it Malfoy, I don't have time for these games, tell me what you bloody know!"

He swirled around, eyes narrowed. "Answer me this Potter," he began, walking back towards me. "Is it true what the Dark Lord says? Is it true you had a," he snarled, "a brat??" I froze, ignoring the urge to hex him. _So Voldemort did know..._

Malfoy was now circling me, studying me carefully. I sighed aloud once more.

"Yes."

I heard Malfoy's pacing stop from behind me.

"Does Voldemort have him?" I whispered, my fists clenching.

"No, but he has ordered a search."

My heart skipped a beat. _He was still alive..._

"How?" said Malfoy, standing perfectly still behind me. I didn't need to ask what he meant.

"Or should I say whom?" he continued in a bit of dark unwanted humor.

I closed my eyes, not daring to say a word. A moment passed before I finally opened my eyes and walked towards the window. I noticed Madam Pomfrey had sat on the bed, her face covered in shock and other emotions I could not decipher. I stared out into the darkness of the night.

"_How_, you ask? I am no Healer. If you would have asked me months ago, I would not have been able to tell you. The truth is, I did not truly understand anything until recently, when I spoke to Madam Pomfrey. She was the one who told me that male pregnancies could only be brought on by a very complicated spell or potion. She asked me why I had attempted such a foolish thing as to get pregnant."

I paused, my fingers brushing up against the cool glass.

"It was then that I told her that I had never intended to get pregnant. And I guess that answers your question for the 'whom'. I do not know whom, but perhaps you do."

"What are you going about Potter?" he snapped impatiently.

"The only time I have ever had sex, Malfoy," I spat out bluntly, "Was on October 31st 1997. Do you remember what happened on that date?" I snapped, turning around to face Malfoy.

He had paled. "You mean –"

"That," I barked, "is exactly what I mean."

His brows furrowed, "That is impossible. You would have had to have taken a potion that night."

I gave a bitter smile. "Oh, but I did."

Thunder echoed in the far of distance. I turned back to the window. "If my memory serves, I was deep in battle. Death Eaters had bombed St. Mungo's and the Order had come to help. Earlier in the day I had taken an experimental Anti-Vitaserum. It had just been a precaution the whole Order had taken, none of us expected to get captured, especially me."

"As it turns out though," I continued, "I _was_ captured and apparently the potion had some unforeseen side-effects. That of course, brings me back to the 'whom'. Do you really believe I would know which Voldemort ordered to come to the dungeons while I was half-dead and fuck me!?"

I was more than a little hysterical.

Malfoy shook his head in disbelief before turning away. "This can't be."

"Oh, but it is Malfoy."

"It can't," he said, now speaking to the wall.

"And why is that, Malfoy?" I said, getting more than a little frustrated.

He turned to me. Something was very wrong.

"Because that would mean that you have a son with Severus Snape."

--

-

**A/N:** Surprise! (For some) So tell me what you think!

**yaoi-fied: **Lol. One question down. ;)

**Munku-JGSPTV: **Ah, thank you very much for the compliment. Love your review!

**DestinyEntwinements: **I answered your question _and_ updated. :)

**notorious-lisa:** Hahaha I know, I didn't expect them so fast either. Next one won't take too long, I hope. Two weeks tops. Oh, thanks! I felt really bad about these chapters. And you figured out it was Severus! The only one 100 percent sure! Yay! Thanks for your review.


	8. A Complication of Sorts

**Summary:** As the full moon strikes, not only are werewolves in pain. The Boy-Who-Lived struggles to live as he's found by Death Eaters in the most unwelcome of times; while he's in labor. Mpreg. No flames.

**Warnings:** Mpreg, future slash, lots of angst... need I go on?

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all of her affiliates. The plot is the only thing that is mine and I beg that it is not copied in any way without my permission. I worked too hard on this fic. Please and thank you. : )

**Something you don't like? Don't be shy! Tell me what you think, it helps improve the story. (Constructive criticism only, porfavor) ;)**

-

"_The thin line between love and hate has never been so thin."_

_-Anonymous_

-

**Part Eight**

**A Complication of Sorts**

**- **

The room was spinning. I couldn't _breathe_.

"Mr. Potter? Mr. Potter!"

My fingers searched desperately for the chair a few feet behind me. I flinched away from Madam Pomfrey's touch.

"Yes," I whispered, finally grabbing hold of the chair and sitting my trembling body down.

"Are you sure? I can bring you a –"

"No," I said firmly, regaining composure, "I am fine."

I avoided everyone's gaze.

"I will check on your mother, I am sure she is fine. There is nothing else to talk about right now." I said to Malfoy.

"_Nothing else to talk about?_ The Dark Lord's new plans, upcoming attacks, and the reason you have yet to tell me what you and your little sidekicks go looking around for, assuring me that it will defeat the Dark Lord. There is plenty to talk about."

"We will discuss what Voldemort is planning later. As for what we 'go looking around for', that does not concern you Malfoy."

Something definitely unnerving flashed in Malfoy's eyes. "I'm not risking my fucking life as your personal little servant to follow you blindly."

I nearly lost it. "You wouldn't have to be _risking your fucking life as my personal little servant_ if you hadn't been a complete and bloody moron and let a bunch of Death Eaters fucking lose at Hogwarts!" I was on my feet without even realizing it, my fists clenched and twitching towards Madam Pomfrey's wand. Somehow through my anger I realized I had gone a bit too far. Something in Malfoy's rigid posture lead me to believe all he really wanted to do was whip out his wand and curse me to Hades.

"You know what Potter, go to hell. I'm out of here," he spat, his cloak swirling behind him as he turned towards the door. There was a loud bang and I was now alone with Pomfrey. I briefly wondered if I should call him back to apologize, but the idea was soon turned down.

Madam Pomfrey walked in front of me. "How can he – how did he manage to get through the wards?"

"They are open to him," I said indifferently.

"And it does not bother you!? How can you possibly put trust on him!?" Pomfrey was becoming hysterical.

"No, it does not bother me," I said, pointedly ignoring her second question.

"But – he is a – you cannot possibly trust him!"

I sighed. _Stupid Malfoy. _"I am sorry Madam, but it is really important to the war that Malfoy stays at minimum risk."

I pointed Madam Pomfrey's own wand right at her. I internally winced at her expression. "I'll promise to make this up to you... And it won't hurt at all..."

Before she could utter a word, I pushed away my guilt and flicked her wand.

"_Obliviate_!"

Madam Pomfrey's eyes suddenly went blank and unfocused. I carefully slipped her wand back in her pocket and stared meaningfully at her. She looked dazed for a few more moments before her eyes focused on me. She frowned.

"What happened?"

"You just finished checking me over, remember? You where saying how much you needed to return back to Hogwarts, where St. Mungo's has set up their clinic," I said convincingly.

Her brows furrowed. "St. Mungo's?"

"Yes, after the explosion they set up at Hogwarts, since it's closed anyways," I continued, "Are you feeling well, Madam?"

She snapped out of her reverie. "Why yes, yes Mr. Potter. Now you get some bed rest and I will be back to check on you soon. You know what to if you need me."

With that she went to the door, still looking slightly confused, and closed it quietly behind her.

Silence.

I stood on my own two feet for only a few seconds more until my knees buckled under me. I slammed harshly into the tile floor on all fours. My eyes widened as I realized how my hands trembled and my body was covered in sweat. Pain cursed through my lower abdomen and my whole body felt drained.

I had never felt my magic so weak before.

I closed my eyes, attempting to stop the bitter tears of anger that threatened to escape. My arms gave in and my whole body collided with the floor. I lay there, staring at nothing for the longest time, with only tears as company. Behind closed lids, memories swirled awake. I heard a faint little cry emerge from the depths of my mind.

_I never thought hearing a soft cry echo through cave walls would cause so much happiness in my heart. _

_I shrugged off my cloak and wrapped him carefully in it, noting that he was, as I had perceived, a boy. Cradling him and humming softly, I pressed him against my heart in an effort to calm him. His cries slowly diminished until they were no more. I looked down into his young serene features, taking as much of him as I could. I stroked his soft cheek and kissed him lightly on the forehead, meanwhile examining his small fingers that were currently curled up into a fist. _

_He was my little miracle. _

A bit down on my bottom lip, feeling the metallic taste of blood cover my mouth. My damp eyelashes slowly fluttered open and I slowly pulled myself up into a sitting position, feeling so very numb from the pain. I shook my head in disbelief.

This could not be.

I let out a desperate cry. My sadness and grief slowly morphed into something else, something less painful. It changed into pure hatred. Just like that, I knew what I had to do. There was only one person that was responsible for almost every little thing that had gone horribly wrong. There was only one above all responsible for my pain. Snape had been the cause of death of Sirius, my parents, and Dumbledore. He was a murderous, traitorous bastard.

Tear drops made a small puddle on the tile floor.

My fists clenched. Nothing mattered anymore to me but two things: Finding my son and killing Severus Snape. I didn't care if I was still badly injured. I didn't care what it took or _how_ long it took.

Snape would die.

--

-

_**December 25th, 1997**_

_I stared at the gaunt reflection in the mirror. Sighing, I grabbed my toothbrush and a load of toothpaste, scrubbing my mouth hard. Finally ridding myself of the taste of vomit, I cast a small Glamour on my tired features. The last thing I needed was to ruin everyone's Christmas by looking like I hadn't slept in ages. Well I hadn't, but there was no need to make Hermione or Ron worry about that._

_Especially, since I hadn't told them I was again spending my nights drenched in sweat from nightmares. My nightmares had returned, but they were not at all like the old nightmares I had once had. No, this new breed concerned my brief capture. _

_I visibly flinched. Only Madam Pomfrey knew what had happened and I planned it to keep it that way. No one else was to know the details of my torture. I closed my eyes, placing a gentle hand on my stomach. I must have caught on some sort of virus. The past few days had included a constant wheel of throwing up, feeling faint, and being overcome with sudden nausea. _

_But I had no time for being sick. We were currently deep in researching Regulus Black's possessions for any clues on the Horcruxes. I knew we were close to finding another Horcrux; I could feel it. _

_I checked the reflection one last time before grabbing the doorknob firmly and turning it. I put on a smile as the soft smell of food and calmness greeted me upon opening the door. It was not, of course, a complete happy occasion, even though everyone tried to dress it up as one. It couldn't, especially not after losing Ginny so recently... My heart clenched painfully against my chest and I pushed away all thoughts, keeping my features impassive as I descended down the stairs. _

_--_

_-_

_**March 17th, 1998**_

_I wanted to scream. I curled myself under the covers, trying to catch some sleep, if only for a moment. The thing inside me wriggled again, probably sensing my unease. I bit down hard on the pillow, drowning out my shouts. It was all of no use, however. No matter how much I wished, no matter how much I prayed, the swollen belly did not cease to grow. I had even begun to use a Concealment Charm around my midsection, but that only proved to me that I did, in fact, have something to hide. That proved that perhaps, somehow... I was... _

_I shook my head vigorously. It was not true. No. It was not possible and it was not true. I had some sort of virus. Yes, that had to be it. I was simply ill. _

_Something inside me wriggled again. _

_My hand found its way down to my abdomen. I pressed it softly against my hard, swollen abdomen. I paused, suddenly overcome by emotion as I felt something small press against my palm. _

_No. _

_I closed my eyes. It was all a dream. When I opened my eyes, it would all go away. This was just a nightmare that I hadn't awoken from yet. It was not real; it couldn't be. I wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging myself hard._

_It just couldn't be. _

_--_

_-_

Emerald eyes suddenly snapped open.

I noted, still slightly disoriented, that I was still on the floor, sitting upright and leaning against the bedpost. I made no effort to stand up and relieve my back of the soreness it had developed after being in this position for so long. Carefully, I wrapped my hands around myself, like I had so many times before for comfort.

All of this was my fault.

I had wished, had hoped, I had _begged_ that God, anyone, would take it all away. I had not wanted him. I had even gotten myself hurt on purpose, in hopes to terminate the pregnancy. As I battled Death Eaters in the dead of the night, I had hoped that a stray hex would hit me straight in the stomach.

I let out a soft moan.

This was a punishment. I had not wanted him throughout the whole pregnancy and now I didn't have him. This was my fault. If I had perhaps told someone, anyone, what was going on instead of running away, perhaps I'd still have him with me. If I hadn't been as stupid as to get myself injured...

I groaned, burying my face in my hands.

I had spent six months denying to myself that anything was wrong. I had spent six months, 'accidentally' falling down things and into places. All I wanted was to destroy the Horcruxes and I cared about little else. That is, until a day in April, when everything changed. My hands wrapped themselves around my empty stomach. That day, I had been hit by a stray hex directly on the stomach.

I closed my eyes.

--

-

_**April 30**__**th**__** 1998**_

_The agony of having my body tearing from the inside was overwhelming. I collapsed onto the wet grass, right in the middle of a dangerous battle. Death Eaters had swarmed and set aflame a Muggle village and the Order had come since the Ministry of Magic was still trying to stop the flames in Hogsmade. We were received by more than a dozen Death Eaters. _

_I looked up in time to see Professor Lupin race in front of me and begin to fight the Death Eater that I had been previously dueling. _

_Disoriented, I crawled to my feet, my arms wrapped tightly around me, and stumbled away from the battle, not stopping until I was hidden behind thick trees. I gasped, slowly unbuttoning my robes, ripping away a few buttons in my haste. _

_I was bleeding. _

_I panicked, letting out a soft whimper as there was a sudden pressure in my abdomen. I realized with a pang that I was losing him. If I didn't do something soon, I would have a miscarriage. I peered up, seeing my friends, my _family_, battling with all they had. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't just leave them. What if Voldemort showed up?_

_Another pulse of pain swept through me. My child was _dying

_I made up my mind, for the first time admitting to myself that it was, in fact, a little being that resided inside of me. It was not a virus and it was not a fake. All of this was very real. Making up my mind, I tugged hard on the small chain around my neck. It broke loose and I stared at it for a few moments. Before I could change my mind, I clutched it hard on my fist and spoke the words that would activate the Portkey. _

"_Meus salus."_

_--_

_-_

I slowly stood up, reaching for the bedpost as I lowered myself into the soft mattress. I gave a soft sigh of relief. From outside, I saw that the rain had stopped.

Had it been a stupid choice by my part to have gone into hiding after that? Perhaps no one would ever understand why I had done it. Even I still was not sure. All I knew is that in that battle I had learned what I had been denying to myself. It was as if in that single moment, I had realized I was _pregnant_. I had realized that inside me was a little innocent being that did not deserve to be blamed for how his conceiving came to be.

He was _my_ son.

The sudden fear for his life had flooded through me and I understood that I could not ensure his safety if I was always right in the middle of a war against Voldemort. If I wanted him to be safe, especially after his birth, I would have to leave. And so I fled, telling myself that everyone would be okay and that I would only be away for a few months.

Had it been selfish of me to do so?

I trembled as a new memory surfaced through my mind. Snape. It had been _Snape_ that day in the dungeons. As much as I hated him and wanted him dead, I could not deny the fact that _it_ had not been as bad as it could've been.

I frowned.

What I did not understand was why, when he realized I was not unconscious, he had forced down some sort of sweet potion down my throat. I guessed I had been drugged, from the effects it had had on me, but why had he drugged me? Why had he not humiliated me when he had the chance? Why had he not taunted me and made it clear who he was?

I shivered slightly at the sudden memory of having smooth hands on me. Now that I thought of it, he hadn't really hurt me at all. Wasn't that the way it worked? Was there not supposed to be a lot of beatings and roughness? Well, he had grabbed my wrists tightly and shook me in a way that would look rough, but there had been no bruising. The only part that had been painful at all had been the actual... the actual penetration.

I flinched.

I shook my head, laughing bitterly. Was I actually defending him? Had I gone mad? The man had _raped_ me. He was a bloody murderer and rapist. He was guilty of everything and I was insane to tell myself that my rape had not been _that bad_. I growled. Snape had to die, and the sooner he did the better.

--

-

**A/N: **I can't believe how much I've written. Aren't you proud of me? Thank you all, tell me what you think!

**-**

**DestinyEntwinements: **Ha-ha, yep. Thanks for your review!

**akuma-river: **How far along was he? Well, I guess it can't hurt to say. In the beginning, he said he wasn't expecting the baby for about 2 more weeks. That puts him right about in the 8½ months along. And I think this chapter answered most of your questions. :) As far as the torture stuff, I don't think he's quite gotten over that yet. (He will). Ah, the Voldie question is a really good one. Good stimulation for my brain! Lol. It shall be answered in the next chapter. ;) And for the gasket part... you had me laughing! I was planning a big one at the time.

**notorious-lisa: **I'm so glad you like! Ah, I'm sure he has a good excuse! He wouldn't want to get his fanfiction arse kicked. Lol. Your very welcome, I'm glad the story's going well. :) What about this chapter?

**manx: **All in good time, my friend. Thanks for your review!

**seers-of-a-lost-paradise: **Thanks, I'm actually posting a lot of chapters, huh?

**lav-katie-hp: **Thank you. :)

**skittlelove:** I loved your review! Yes, you're right, Harry shouldn't worry! Hmm... Your comment got the wheels in my head turning... Heh heh...

**celestialuna: **Wow, you actually reviewed nearly every chapter as you read on! #gasp# I'm so glad you reviewed. And yes, it would seem like it was Draco, huh?


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